Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
