Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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