i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
