Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
