just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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