So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
