ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
