if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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