What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize