remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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