Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
