new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
