I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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