so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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