There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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