It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
