having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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