I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
