this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
