I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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