Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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