I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
