Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
