We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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