I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
