Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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