i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
