so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
