My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
