Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
