I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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