im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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