He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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