I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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