Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
