I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
