I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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