Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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