guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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