If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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