Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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