If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my sisters under your porch take her home
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
