I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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