taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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