Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
