I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
