i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
