I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
