First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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