you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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