My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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