I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
