it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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