I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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