your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
