im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i need some magic done to my vagina
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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