ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
