Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
