shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
