There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So vagazzling was a success
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
