when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize