So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
