There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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