i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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