Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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