please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
