after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
