I got chris browned last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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