it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
