I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
