Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My pussy is not your playground.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
