There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
