You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
